Over-doing it…. again
I cannot believe a whole year has gone by since my staff decorated our store- front for the fair. It feels just like yesterday that I was bending wire until my hands ached so badly that I could not massage. Three nights on IV at High Desert and loads of ice on my whole hand and arm finally restored me back to new. And then we go and overdo it again.
This year was a lot more fun though. First of all, we started earlier by brainstorming ideas to match the theme. Once we had the ideas, we started planning our get- togethers. One of the expectations of participating is that it has to be a group effort. So, we wanted to make sure it was indeed a group effort.
We planned our work days to be on Sunday since the store closes early and everyone’s schedule is a little more cleared of tasks. I got the brewskies, margaritas and mudslides complete with lots of eats and a list of projects for each worker to do. Everyone was to meet at my house, ready to work.
I should have known better. I had to make a mental note to make sure to give the alcohol after they work! Chrissy already had two beers before she got to my house so even simple tasks were superbly funny to her. She was assigned the task of gluing the eyes on the hand-sewn carrots, potatoes, and peaches. The first ones started out pretty straight. From there it was all down hill. The eyes got more and more crooked with each drink. Finally, as a last resort, so we wouldn’t hurt her feelings, we decided that maybe the potatoes should have “eyes” all over them since none of them were straight!
Jeana and Chrissy both attempted to help me prime the wood for the merry-go-round and the ferris -wheel that my husband had designed and built. Again, two beers, a margarita, and a mudslide later, more paint ended up on the patio than on the wood! It really is amazing how funny simple things are when you are toasted.
I learned a lot about music those nights too. I usually only listen to country music or pop, but that kind of music was not in the stars on those nights. I listened to R&B for the first time. I had to make sure my kids little ears were not about as that kind of music was sultry, sultry, sultry. The more margaritas I had, the more sultry the music became. My workers joke that I have more soul in me than I will admit.
The night before the judging, we all agreed to spend the night at the store to make sure that no one destroyed the set up. By the time we got everything completed and set up, there was not much sleep to be had. In fact, I never went to sleep that night. Fred gave out and went home to sleep for the day. If you know Fred, then you would find it funny that he cried like a little girl because he “couldn’t keep his eyes open”. Funny how those nights out clubbing don’t kill him as much as gluing eyeballs on potatoes did.
My massages were definitely more solemn that day for sure. Chrissy and I held the fort as the other two crashed on us. Lots of well -wishers came to see the display, as they had all heard about our endeavors to win Grand Prize. We ended up winning first place. We had lots of fun, good laughs and good times while doing the project and we look forward to doing it again next year.
I wanted to say a huge Thank-You to Ms. Pat, who at age 74, kicked all of our butts by working so much more tirelessly on the project than even I did. She pulled late nights with us and even stayed the night with us during set up at the store. She can hold her alcohol better than any of us also! May all my readers have as much fun working on their projects as we did over-doing it on ours.
August 28, 2010
March 1, 2010
When you don’t know what to do…
An old friend called today to tell me her 94 year old father had passed away last week. As my heart sunk, I listened to her story of how he had, six months ago, fallen victim to Alzheimer’s. The progressive stages of the disease finally brought his life to an end on the very day of his 60-something Wedding Anniversary.
He was a long term resident of Lancaster CA and had dedicated his life to his faith. God only knows how many people he and his loving wife helped over the decades, either through his ministries or through just his friendships. Even in his death, he was still a giver; donating his body to science. As I listened to my friend talk, I could hear solemn resignation and, once in a while, I could even picture a smile on her face as she talked about the good life her Dad had lived.
The one thing though that caught the most attention for me was one little comment she made. She said that when he was dying, the family was there holding his hands. He was surrounded by his two daughters and his family that loved him so much. Most importantly, was the presence of human touch.
As a massage therapist, I am constantly promoting human touch. I am not talking about the beating on the backside of a two year old (I actually witnessed it at a bus stop), or the fist fight my kids and I witnessed at the Rite Aid one day. I am talking about the good kinds of touch, such as infant massage, loving parental hugs, compassionate caresses for the aging, and understanding touches for the mentally impaired. Holding the hands of a loved one, while their soul is crossing over, is a beautiful thing.
Resignation can be a difficult journey. My friend has held up well it seems and she sounded greatly comforted to know that she had done all she could for her Dad. For her, when she had done all she could and she did not know what else to do, holding her father’s hands was all she felt she had left to give. For him, it may have been all that he needed.
Rest in Peace Rusty
Live and Love Life through Touch
Julie – Overdid It Lancaster CA Massage
Regulating the regulations
When people think about massage, what do they really think of first? Do they think of a quiet, organic, dimly lit room with soft ocean waves playing? Or do they think of lace, leather, and ladies of the night?
We want to hear from all of our readers out there about what they think of first when they think of massage. The reason we want to hear from our readers is that there is an exciting thing about to happen for us regarding massage therapy regulations. To understand public opinion, we want to know what in our profession is the public’s biggest perception of what we do, who we are, etc. Then we want to take the data and compare to see how accurate the truth really is.
On September 1, 2009, a new state statute became effective regarding massage therapists and massage establishments. From my understanding, the statue took away the individual city’s right to regulate massage therapists and massage establishments and turned over the right to the state.
We, as professional massage therapists at Overdid it!, are extremely excited because this will allow state regulation and state licensing for our profession. Just for starters, we hope the state will look to the ACLU when writing the ordinance to make sure they will not continue to pass regulations that are clearly and undeniably prejudiced toward the female race. They will make sure that the requirements for licensing do not cross the lines of prejudice against our profession as being guilty of being less than legitimate without probable cause.
In most therapist’s eyes, current regulations assume all massage establishments and therapists are guilty of being brothels housing prostitutes as a whole. Therefore the ordinance is written regulating how much cleavage can show, how late my party center can stay open for massages, and how much leg can show while doing massages. Because of these reasons, we are very much looking forward to the day when our profession will be respected as legitimate first, and that I– as my own business owner– can regulate my own worker’s dress code just like Walmart, Dairy Queen, the bowling alley, and the 7-Eleven can do with their own workers.
In addition, my hours of operation will not be dictated just as Target, Lowes, Supercuts, and Kaiser’s hours are not dictated. I will be asked to keep the same exact records of my workers as Taco Bell, Big Lots, and Chili’s has to keep of their workers. How free it will be for us to be able to be looked at as legitimate professionals without the shady overtone and accusatory nature of the current ordinance that is in effect now. What a wonderful day it will be when we will not have to have background checks, fingerprinting, and mug shots done every single year for licensing renewal just like every other profession is not required to do.
These new regulations will hopefully change the way lawmakers view our profession. For too long legitimate professionals have been unfairly grouped into the same category as the establishments that operate under a different code of ethics and we have grown very tired of having to prove our legitimacy every time we turn around.
Because most professionals in our field will be given the opportunity to comment on the regulations, we want to be armed with knowledge about how the community feels about massage and what our true perception is currently. We ask everyone to write to either The AV News or to Overdid it! directly to voice your opinion. We also would like to hear what any of our readers have experienced in the other massage establishments in the Antelope Valley. The tips, comments, and opinions can be sent anonymously to The AV News or to Overdid it! at 45074 10th Street West Suite 101 Lancaster, Ca. 93534.
So, get writing and set me straight if you disagree or give Kudos if you support our stand!
Live and Love Life through Touch
Julie Overdid It! Founder of Lancaster California Massage
What can I say?
Overdid it! has been open since April 26th of last year and we are excited for what another year will bring for us. A lot of improvements have been made and we are working diligently to know our customers and to bring in the right staff and equipment to meet their demands. As you know we specialize in Massage for Lancaster and the Antelope Valley.
For this entire year, I have had someone come into my store and share her story of struggles almost daily. I still sit in dismay over what to say to her. When she first started coming in, she talked of her back hurting in general terms. Then she was in a collision, a minor fender bender from what I can gather. Then because of unstableness, she has fallen several times as well. Each and every time, I heard about it.
The first 40 times, I suggested massage to help relieve her aching muscles and suggested that massage is also known, statistically, to help an injury heal 3 to 4 times faster. I explained that our massages are $10 but for seniors, it is only $9. I explained how we use the hot packs and use a very skilled, talented touch to help to stretch the muscles, provide blood flow ….
Every time I talk to her she insists she is going to come in. Never once has she actually come in for a massage. She then bought a membership to a women’s gym. She immediately suffered an injury. When she came in to talk about that, I talked to her about the importance of stretching before any exercise program to actually help prevent injuries. She admitted she never stretched or warmed up before exercising.
I suggested that Trina is very skilled and offers a stretch sequence for only $15. I told her that once Trina showed her what to do, she could do some of the stretches herself at home before she exercises…. She never came in to do the stretch, despite her saying many, many times that she would.
This has gone on all year. Now, the other day she came in and she was all smiles. She immediately told me in a very excited way that, “I had the epidural and the pain is all gone!” I know I had to look at her like a deer- in- the- headlight- look. Are people really this gullible? I hated to burst her bubble but I had to tell her the pain was still there, it had just been masked.
She had no idea what I was talking about. Apparently, she had been told that the epidural was a “cure” for back pain. I had to explain to her, in my simplistic way, that her house was still on fire but that she just removed the fire alarm. Now she will have no idea when she is in severe pain and runs the risk of over doing it and making her spinal problems even worse.
I did not even have to burst her bubble any more because it wasn’t even two full weeks later that she came in to tell me she was in excruciating pain. I had not seen her out and about and she then admitted that the epidural was making her vomit and that she could not walk from the pain she was in. Really now?
Folks, this is what makes me the craziest. I spent so much time talking to her about the benefits of massage. I could make no promises to her about “curing” anything. I told her what we do know about massage and what we cannot promise. I offered our services to her day in and day out. She never once even tried a 10 minute quick fix. She instead took the medical route believing that her doctor has her best interest at heart. Now she cannot hardly even walk and her quality of life is spent vomiting from the medications.
Could we have helped her all along? I do believe we could have. I believe we could have helped right from the very beginning when she was in a little pain before the car accident and the falls. I don’t understand why someone would take such a drastic route of having a needle pierce their spine with no information on exactly what she was getting or how long it was expected to help, not to mention not being given the side effects.
My deer-in-the-headlight look was not because she had had the epidural. Instead it was because she had not tried massage first. It is something so simple, inexpensive, quick, and proven effective for helping many kinds of back, head and neck pain. After all the time and energy spent trying to help, I can honestly say, “I don’t know what to say to you”.
Live and Love Life through Touch
Julie Foster
Vanity over practicality
I remember a few months ago I was in the changing room at Walmart in Palmdale and overheard two women talking. One woman was actually on the brink of tears as she was explaining to the other woman that she could not walk to the front of the store. Her knees had swollen so much thereby making it impossible for her to walk the 100 yards to the front of the store. I remember thinking to myself, surely she had some sign, some warning that this was coming on and I actually wondered why she had not taken care before it got to the point where she could not even walk out the store, let alone finish her shift.
Humble pie certainly is in order as I found myself in the very same situation only a few days ago. I had found the perfect, and I mean “the perfect” boots for me. Excited to show them off, I stupidly put vanity over practicality and wore them to work. I stand all day and do massages all day so you would think that important fact should have been something I considered before I donned my new purchase. But, I did not even consider the facts. I felt fabulous and was drenched in compliments all day. Realization came soon enough for my vane self.
After starting to feel my knees hurting, I sat and rested them for a few minutes before going home from work. Once home, I felt better and decided to sneak out “Christmas Shopping” with hubby. We were not really shopping, but instead sneaking out for a little Mom and Dad time alone. We went cruising through the mall taking in all the holiday cheer. And cheer there was, until it hit me like a rock truck, that I could not take another step forward.
Paralyzed from pain in my knees, I wondered how in the world I was going to exit the mall. As much as I wished my husband was packed with muscles like Gerard Butler in the movie 300, I pretty much had to face reality that he was not going to be able to life my left leg, let alone my whole body out the doors of the mall. So much for fantasy!
I wanted to start crying but I kept calm and looked for option number two. Like Angels singing from heaven, I spotted the Brookstone store. Limping pathetically through the doors, I knew the store would have some kind of foot massagers, being that I own four massage chairs of theirs in Overdid it! And massager they did have! My saving grace was the OSIM ISqueez foot massager.
This little foot gadget was incredible. While not being as good as human hands, it certainly did do a good job. The store clerk Rachel, while taking pity on me, told me all the details about the ISqueez. It has three speeds of massaging combined with an intense vibration mechanism. Together the massage was bliss. Even though it did not even reach my knees, I could feel the blood flow being restored to my whole lower calf and foot area.
After sitting for nearly 20 minutes and watching the other store clerks closing down their security gates, I figured I would soon be kicked out of my ISqueez bliss. It was all I could do to put those now not-so-fabulous-boots back on and hobble out of the store and back to my car. I made it though all the way to the car, rendering my husband completely useless except for moral support. Romantic notions of him carrying me barely got past a raised eyebrow from the get go. I had to be my own hero in my story.
My knees are still aching even though I have been taking caution with them these last few days. I have been on Overdid it!’s Quatro bed that shoots up to 28 pounds of pressured hot water at the soft tissue and have found some relief there. I also have tried elevating them at night to relieve the swelling. In the end, ice will be the only thing that will quickly restore them back to normal.
It will probably take at least a week for the swelling to go down and probably more time than that for my pride to get back in check. Now when I think about what to wear to work each day, I certainly am more inclined to put practicality over vanity.
Live and Love Life through Touch
Vacation from my Vacation
There are just some things that you have to learn only by going through it yourself. Have you ever had people give you advice and you just let it go in one ear and out the other because you think you have it under control? Such was the case for me during our trip to Disney in Florida.
We are home now and are seriously trying to recover from the 10 days being gone. We are absolutely exhausted and need a vacation from our vacation. I am not kidding. Because my aching body won’t even let me sleep, I can honestly say I learned several things the hard way.
The first is that no matter how much you think you stretched before the treks across the theme parks, it will never be enough. I am a stickler for recommending stretching exercises for all of my clients who come in and I am one to practice what I preach. However, the Charlie Horse cramp that knocked me to the floor at 3 a.m. this morning is living proof that I did not stretch enough.
Secondly, I learned that I am more overweight that I thought. Try thinking you walked 50 miles in ten days and that you lost a lot of weight only to get on the scale at home and find you gained six more pounds. Not a fun fact to have to face but man it was really hard to pass up authentic Italian pastries, German cakes, and the entire spread of goodies that Epcot had to offer.
Thirdly, I learned that I am not as young as I used to be! Ten years ago when we visited the Disney parks with our two girls, we had each day planned to the top. We park- hopped all day from one park in the morning, to a water park next, back to the hotel for a nap, then off to Epcot for dinner and then even went back to the hotel for a dip in the pool before bed. We just kept moving and only functioned on 5-6 hours sleep and a little one- hour nap.
The next thing I learned is that I am not cut out for the humidity anymore. I was born in Florida and lived my first 19 years of my life there. I always knew it was sticky and humid but after living in the desert for 20 years, I could see that I am just not cut out for it anymore. I was so sticky and hot to the point where seeking refuge in the air conditioned cabin could not remedy the yucky feeling I had on my skin. I also learned the water is very different and when you rinse in the shower, you feel like you have to take another one only minutes after getting out.
Lastly, I learned that massages are expensive there. For an 80 minute massage in your room, the bill topped $210! When I go to other cities and towns, I love to compare our massages and prices with what other places charge. Again, I learned that massage is still seen as a luxury and yet so many people there needed me and Overdid it!. What I would have given for my $10 quick-fix massage on my feet after having walked for days.
Being home is great. A weight loss program is certainly on our agenda in the near future. And even though we had a lot of fun and experienced a truly magical trip, I feel that with all the aches and pains, I need a vacation from my vacation.
Live and Love Life through Touch
Unplanned moments of bonding
We all go through life trying to be prepared for life. We get an education so we can get good jobs. We get good insurance just in case we get sick. We make wills for when we are gone. We wear our seat belts in case we have an accident.
We, as humans, try so hard to see things coming and prepare for the worst. I am no different. I distinctly remember being on one of many trips with my four kids driving from California to visit family in Arkansas and trekking across the long, seemingly endless desert on Interstate 40. This particular trip, I had the old “Bubba Van” pulling a utility trailer and the van itself was on its very last leg.
The afternoon, right as we were getting ready to depart California, I sat alone and said a prayer to my maker and said, “God, (pause) I am not asking for an easy trip. But please….if something should happen to us driving this hunk-a-junk, could you please let it be in a place where we can get help?” We loaded up, hugged Daddy good-bye and set out on our journey to see all the rest of our family anxiously waiting our arrival.
We made it across that horrid desert and were excitedly on the verge of seeing the first real tree in Yukon, Oklahoma. My knuckles were on the steering and I was putting pedal to the medal when all of a sudden, the van just died. No warning, no clink, no clank, absolutely nothing happened to explain why Bubba died right there two exits from a Wally World and five hours away from family.
It was a hot, sultry, evening and sunset was fast approaching. With my heart in my throat, I looked for where I could get help and saw a hotel only about a half mile walk away. It was a distance I could easily do dragging the kids. As if my prayer had been answered, I did not even get all of the kids out of the van before a police officer was already backing up to help.
Long story short, the off duty police officer and his wife stayed with the kids and I until the tow truck arrived. They followed us to the hotel, watched my kids for me while I dealt with the tow truck people, and got us food. The hotel staff extended my stay the next morning, the hotel owner’s wife watched my kids while the husband drove me to get my van from the fix-it shop, and they gave my kids food and toys to play with while I was packing the van. I was in tears and was ever-so- grateful for their help and for my answered prayer. Breaking down on the isolated 40 could have been met with dire consequences for me and the kids. Something we certainly did not plan for.
So, my point is that here are many things in life we plan for and many that we just have to give over to someone else, like our maker. Our family had one of those events the night of the 4th of July. Our second oldest daughter began to complain about abdominal pain but we completely wrote it off that she had menstrual cramps. She usually is filled with drama and so we did not give her complaints much thought. During the night the pain began to worsen.
As a massage therapist, all I know to do is massage. So massage I did! I lightly massaged her whole abdomen and was able to get her pain to temporarily subside. The next day we monitored her and she was stable. Massage seemed to give her the attention she needed to help with the pain. By 4:30 pm, it became evident to us that she was having appendicitis and needed medical attention.
We took her in The Antelope Valley Hospital and there by the clock, sitting in the hallway, sat a half -embarrassed mother who did not believe her kid, massaging a forgiving daughter. That moment of bonding was fantastic and was as unplanned as my Bubba van breaking down there on the interstate. Massage broke the barrier for forgiveness and we were able to get through a rough time together. She had surgery that night and was discharged before the clock struck midnight that very day.
I always say that when you don’t know what to do; just massage! Massage helped her get through her pain but also gave us lots of time for those unplanned moments of bonding. Usually she hates to be touched but because of the pain, she was very receptive. The time spent with her was great and I would not change the experience for the world. Sometimes the best things that happen to us are the things we do not plan.
Live and Love Life through Touch
Julie Foster
Ulcers and Anxiety Attacks
I do not know if it is just me or what but I have the feeling of having the worst anxiety attacks lately. If these feelings are not anxiety attacks, then I have to say I already have an ulcer going. I wish I could blame it on something big like trying to keep Overdid it! afloat, worrying about my kids, or keeping up with my schedules. Despite the fact that these issues cause me some distress, they are not the primary reason for the overwhelming feelings I am having. I know a good majority of people can relate to what I am feeling when I mention “shopping” in the last few weeks.
Yes, I said shopping. Just shopping for my kids’ lunches, shopping for shoes, shopping for items necessary for carrying on a living. I almost had an anxiety attack right there in Wal-Mart a few weeks ago when I walked in and saw Halloween stuff right next to the Christmas stuff! I just cannot handle it and almost had a break down right there.
On top of all the chaos from the October, November and December holidays, I also have three children’s birthdays within three weeks of Christmas and New Year. I did not plan it that way. In fact, only one of my kids was actually planned at all. The knot in my stomach is getting larger just as I am writing and thinking about the chaos about to descend upon my already burdened self.
I know other families go through this. In fact, I have read that levels of depression and anxiety shoot through the roof as other people feel what I am feeling. We, as a society, are fed baloney about the perfect gifts, the perfect family get-together, the perfect foods cooked and displayed perfectly at Christmas dinner on the perfect dishes inside a perfectly decorated house. On television, the kids always open the gifts and automatically love everything they are given. They never blurt out to Aunt Emma, “I hate this!”or “Thanks Aunt Emma, I already have three of these” or maybe even, “I saw this in the dollar store Aunt Emma, is that where you bought it?”. The scenes are always perfect and they are just not reality; at least not in my household.
Patrick and I have no family here so we are mostly alone with the kids. They miss family and so Christmas is not the same without family to share it with. Gift cards are not the same as the pretty presents under the tree either but who wants to pay the high cost of shipping anymore? We are not big gift givers anyway as I was always brought up to care more about being together than the gifts others can give. We came from a pretty poor upbringing so we were pretty lucky to see one gift under the tree. Birthdays were the same too. Mom always wanted us to treat each other well and loved all year long, not just on our Birthday. Therefore, our holidays are not centered on gifts.
Looking at the rows after rows of non- necessities covering every aisle possible in the stores right now is enough to overwhelm anyone. I feel compelled to spend, grab, pack, wrap, hide, and run with it all, despite my logical side that tells me to save my dough for another day. I try to ignore it but it is everywhere and is inescapable. The pressure to conform to the out-of-control spending to buy gifts for someone I hardly know or someone I do not even want to buy for is overwhelming. Drawing names was the dreaded tradition in our house too. That boiled down to me getting someone I do not even hardly know a $25 gift card so that they can also buy me a $25 gift card to the same place. It makes no sense! I have been chastised for breaking these ridiculous traditions! Hence the anxiety attacks.
My ideal holidays would be spent hunkering down with my kiddos, watching a ton of movies, eating lots of popcorn and ice cream, drinking hot tea by the fire, spending time playing a mean game of Tripoley and Mexican Train with the kids, and going skiing with both sides of our family. To get really crazy, I would take a real one horse open sleigh ride through the snow with jingle bells clinking and sing carols to lots of children. I would also read every book I could get my hands on the entire holiday. Most of these do not even cost a single dime. That is my kind of holiday.
I know many other people go through what I am going through. Meditation, isolation, and self care are great ways I have learned to cope through it. Meditation helps to quiet the mind and center the thoughts. Isolation keeps people away from the commercialization of the holidays. Self care could be getting a massage, taking a hot bath, or enveloping oneself in a good book. For me, massage is an absolute. Take the time to take care of yourself and take back the holidays to what you want them to be! Then we can all join the “Holiday Recovery Group”.
Live and Love Life through Touch.
Julie Foster
Crème Brulee and African Oil
Trina and I just love our jobs. Every day is a new opportunity to help people and we just never know who is going to walk through our door in need. Sometimes, the people who walk through our door don’t even know where they are most in need and that makes our job even more fun. We thrive at the challenges we get.
The other night, we hosted a party at Overdid it! for the youngest group we have ever had. The cutest 8 year olds all the way up to early teens trusted Trina and I to give their first massages. The foot massages ended up being leg massages because their little feet curled up from being so ticklish. They giggled and wiggled and there were lots of smiles during the whole party.
I have to say though, that I had one serious concern the entire night. Each little character that got on my table for our foot massage had very dry skin. I used our Crème Brulee Skinny Dip massage candle that smelled like the yummiest of cookies and the kids loved it. These candles are wonderful because they are made with everything natural including a food grade soy, shea butter, olive oil, vitamin e and 20 different scents. The “wax” melts into warm oil that can be immediately put onto the skin without burning it. The skin soaks the warm oil up very quickly and the oil moisturizes the skin so thoroughly that the effect can be felt for days.
Because I am a massage therapist, I am always on the hunt for great quality, all natural massage oils, lotions, and crèmes that I can use on my clients. I spend a lot of time researching for great products and that is how I found the Skinny Dip candles. I find some great things sometimes, without even looking.
The other day I was strolling through Wal-mart and I found a product that I am just equally as thrilled to use. I found an absolutely terrific product that is so inexpensive and is fantastic for kids. My kids love it and have been using it every day. This oil is called Africa’s Best Ultimate Herbal Oil and I found it in the hair care product area. This oil is so light and so natural that it can be used every day.
The ingredient list is super impressive with ingredients such as soy bean oil, walnut seed oil, kiwi fruit extract, olive fruit extract, castor seed oil, sesame seed oil, jojoba seed oil, carrot seed oil, sweet almond oil, tocopheryl acetate, safflower oil, calendula extract, yarrow extract, cucumber extract, carrageenan extract, ginseng extract, sage extract, comfrey extract, aloe extract and fragrance. Simply awesome and at less than $7, it is a steal! This oil can even be heated to make a hot oil treatment for hair. Compared to the “hot oil” treatments laced with chemicals I could not even pronounce, I know what my choice is.
The little kids left my store all souped up and moisturized to the hilt. I was not going to let even one get away. Then I ran home and looked at my 4 kids’ legs to see if they were as dry as the children I had just seen. I was dumbfounded to see that my children’s’ legs were equally as dry. Not any more now that I have two easy, fabulous, inexpensive products to help me care for my children’s’ skin.
Live and Love Life through Touch Julie Foster
The power of touch
What does iron-skillet corn bread, home-grown/home-canned green beans, garden fresh potatoes, fried okra, and homemade biscuits have in common? They make big kids! I mean really big kids. Such is the case with my nephew from Arkansas. His obsession over mashed potatoes and other farm fare has made him one of the largest kids I have ever seen—and he is only thirteen. He talks like a man, wears big and tall clothes, and can annihilate his whole soccer team without even meaning to do so. He is rough and tough too. He broke both of his arms several times, was making his own daggers and machetes since the age of 6 out in the tool shop, and has his own collection of guns (including an AK-47).* Over tea with my twin sister, who is visiting from Arkansas, I learned how the power of touch reduced this tough kid to the cuddly baby she once knew.
As everyone’s life is, Amy’s life is no exception. Commuting, running kids to soccer practice, AWANAs, working and providing for her family makes her days filled with hustle and bustle. Compounded on top of that is the fact that she is a single mom. Her ex-husband would give the shirt off his back for everyone but her and their failed marriage left a legacy of verbal abuse and physical threats from which she is now free. She traded her piece of paper of a marriage for her freedom and, as in every divorce; the kids have paid the price. Her kids have had to grow up and adjust in ways she never wanted or believed they would ever have to go through. The emotional trauma and uncertainty is devastating to the children even under the best of circumstances.
So it was with a sad but grateful heart that she related this story to me. Amy has the thirteen year old son and also a nine year old daughter. We always joked that her son is the peas and carrots with my thirteen year old daughter because they were exactly alike; even in facial expressions and actions. Fifteen hundred miles separates our families but you would not know it with the way these two act when they are together. Somehow the bonds are kept strong, probably because my twin and my bond is so strong, despite the miles. My daughter and her son have been known to become angry, hostile, and verbally defensive, especially going through puberty. Every parent can relate!
On this particular Friday, Amy’s son was strongly encouraged by his father to visit his mother. He had chosen all week not to go see her and it would be some time before he would see his mother again because she was going out of town. Father told his son that the right thing to do would be to go see his mother and the boy reluctantly complied. My sister does not allow his violent video games, violent computer games, swords, knives, or guns of any kind in her house nor does she allow him to eat junk food or miss out on homework so he is never too happy about being told to come see her. Therefore, when he came to her house for their visit, he was agitated, mouthy, picking arguments with his sister and resentful even though a fun movie and pizza night had been planned.
My sister recognized that he was emotionally out of control and her instincts kicked in. Remembering all the techniques from the book Holding Time**, she knew he was way too big to try to hold in her lap. Using the same principles though, she asked him to come into his room and sit quietly so that she could help him with his headache. Isolating him from the rest of the house became key and she began to massage his back like she had done a thousand times when he was little. She used a deeper tissue massage that a now-grown-up boy would love and he melted right then and there. His anger dissipated, he loosened up, calmed down, and became much less agitated. By the time she was finished, not only was his headache gone but now his voice was softer, he was more talkative, and he was making eye contact and a connection. When everything was under control, they joined the rest of the group and everyone had a great evening together watching movies and eating pizza and drinking soda—a very special treat for them. For them both, it was therapeutic touch that saved the day.
I have said it so many times and will say it until I am in my grave—human touch is imperative. It is not a luxury. It is a necessity and because our society has become so closed off to it, I cannot help but know that this is the reason for the anger, resentment, agitation, etc. that we all face as a society today. We have lost the ability or the know how to connect on such a mammalian and primal level despite the fact that we all crave it and need it to make us whole. If your family is in a crisis situation like my sister’s has been over the last year and a half, please do not hesitate to use physical touch as a great tool to reestablish peace; for your sake and theirs.
Live and Love Life through Touch
Julie
*My sister does not allow guns of any kind. However, the laws in the state of Arkansas dictate that my sister —as this boy’s mother—cannot tell him what he can and cannot have while in the care and custody of his father. In Arkansas, it is not uncommon for youth to have guns and to use them, especially since public schools are shut down during “hunting season” to allow children to go out and kill with their fathers. AK-47’s in the hands of a thirteen year old is surprisingly, not an exception.
** The book Holding Time was written to help parents and educators work with autistic children who cannot understand “time-outs” as most children do. It was a way to help a child regain control, burn off extra anxiety, and was used as an imperative tool for establishing positive physical contact. It is a remarkable book and the techniques I embedded in my memory and used for all four of my children while raising them. It promotes everything I value when raising children regarding positive touch and the power of love behind it. I highly recommend this book for any family.